Last night I got a phone call from a restricted number. Up to now I wouldn't have answered but in recent days I have grown curious about my mission here. Thinking this caller may provide some clues I answered, but there was no one there. I thought to myself "I shouldn't have answered, why would someone call me and not say anything when I answered?" I went to lay in bed and began to drift off to sleep.
A few hours later I was awoken by a loud voice in my head. "Excuse me sir but is this how you treat a highly esteemed dignitary such as myself?!" My eyes flashed open. I looked around the room, no one. During the turning of my head it spoke again. "Stop this shaking at once I get motion sickness very easily!" Confused, I spoke "Who are you and where are you?... my head?"
"Shhhh not so loud you'll break the device!" the voice sounded. So I began to speak softly "Who are you and what are you doing here?" It replied, "I am Chairman of The League of Unicellular Organisms and we had an appointment to do a phone interview but you decided to hang up on me!" Still softly I spoke "Oh my apologies...sir?" The Chairman responded "Yes sir is fine."
So I began the interview:
TheLemonMerchant: So how long has the League of Unicellular Organisms been around?
The Chairman: The League was founded in 1948 when a company named Dial Soap began introducing "antibacterial" products. We felt as a community that multi-cellular organisms, such as yourself, were beginning to wage all out war on us.
TLM: Don't many of your members actively harm multi-cellular organisms?
TC: Yes, I am not denying that over the course of our roughly billion year relationship with multi-cellular organisms that both sides have been guilty of bringing harm on one another. What I am saying is that things more or less were in balance and both sides were able to figure out in one way or another how to coexist.
TLM: What do you think brought this on?
TC: Well when multi-cellular organisms became aware of our presence a feeling of uneasiness of our existence began. Over the years they had been creating ways to completely annihilate large populations of us. We in turn would plague them with disease and such. This narrative prevailed in both camps when it came to viewing each-other. On the other hand many of my unicellular brothers were living within and without the multi-cellular creatures and helping them live their lives. In turn many multi-cellular creatures created environments where we could thrive. But then this whole "antibacterial" thing took over and any unicellular organism is looked on as an enemy and we are murdered mercilessly by soaps and hand-washes! So we formed our league to try and tell multi-cellular creatures that we are necessary for their existence.
TLM: What has the League done to change this trend?
TC: Hmm?
TLM: Have you, as an organization, been able to make efforts to stop the killing.
At this point the chairman underwent mitosis.
TC1: What the hell where am I?
TC2: Nice and warm in here we should set up shop.
TLM: This interview is over
I then went to wash my ears out.
Thank You,
Yours Truly,
Sincerely
No comments:
Post a Comment